Heroes of Warcraft
by TimX7
Summary: A rag tag group of would be heroes must find the truth, that could change Christianity forever. As well as defend Azeroth from the Demon Horde.
1. Episode 1

World of Warcraft is owned by Blizzard. I only own the original characters.

**Title: Heroes of Warcraft**

**Season 1: Quest for the Holy Grail and that Stupid Dan Brown Novel**

**Author: GenerationX7**

**Summary: A rag tag group of would be heroes must find the truth, that could change Christianity forever. As well as defend Azeroth from the Demon Horde.**

**Author's Note: I haven't played WoW yet. Mostly because I don't like paying a monthly fee to play a online game. Though that may change because I'm thinking of turning this story into a machinima series. But that will be a while from now. So enjoy the fanfic version till then.**

A gnome is riding a horse while singing "Ghost Riders is the Sky" through a open field. Three blood elves, two male and a female, are watching this human and laughing at him.

"What is this guy doing anyway?" one of the male blood elves asked.

"This guy thinks that just because he sold his soul to the devil, he's the new Ghost Rider." the other male blood elf said.

"You mean he really sold his soul to the devil? What did he sell it for?"

"A bag of Cheetos." the second blood elf turned to his companions. "Hey watch this."

The blood elf walked over to the human and cast a fire spell. Setting the poor delusional midget on fire, along with his horse.

"I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" the human cried.

The three blood elves burst into laughter.

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME! I'M ON FREAKING FIRE!"

As all three laughs, a Orc runs up to them.

"FOR THE HORDE!"

Then the Orc proceeds to beat the crap out of the three.

Episode 1: Introductions are in order

**The City of Stormwind**

Human Paladin class Jerry Bagwell walks into the head Inquisitors office, Crazy Charlie, where he stands in front of the purple haired elf High Inquisitor.

"You wanted to see me boss?" Jerry asked.

"Yes." Charlie said. "I'll get straight to the point Jerry. You're fired."

"I'm what?"

"You're fired Jerry. I'm sorry I have to do this to you, but I need a open spot for my cousin Strongman Larry on the team. Come on in Larry."

A Orc hunter comes in and says "I like circles. They're round and stuff."

"You've got to be kidding me." Jerry said to himself.

Jerry Bagwell is the main character of this story.

XXXXX

In a city in the Outlands, everyone is talking at the city square. When a blood elf warlock made his appearance. He wears black and red clothing and carries a staff.

"My name is Lucifer!" said the blood elf. "Prince of Darkness! I'm here to increase my ranks..."

"LUCIFER DIABLO SATAN!" said a female blood elf. She runs up to the devil and grabs him by the ear. Using his ear to drag him of the stone stage that is set up in the city square. "Now come on! Dinner is ready!"

"What are we having tonight?"

"Meatloaf, your favorite."

"Yippee!"

Lucifer is the main antagonist of this story, as well as the devil himself and leader of the Demon Horde. He's also a total douche bag for living with his mom at the age of 33 in human years.

XXXXX

Benny, a Gnome mage with a knack for mechanical stuff.

"I heard you got fired." Benny said in a Korean accent.

"Yeah..." Jerry takes another sip of his beer. "I don't know what I'll do now."

Just then a paladin enters the bar and clears his throat. "Lowly heathens hear me! His Holiness, Pope Constantine XXIII will now be drinking with you losers."

Pope Constantine and Cardinal Joe enter the bar and sit down next to Jerry.

Cardinal Joe is a grumpy old man and the drummer of the Christian heavy metal band, Heavenly Saints of Heavy Metal.

Pope Constantine XXIII is the lead singer of the Heavenly Saints of Heavy Metal. He is also a man that tries to unite all denominations of Christianity. He has succeeded somewhat. There is turmoil though. Because of the different beliefs and doctrines.

"I talked to Charlie today." Constantine said. "While we couldn't agree on bringing you back into his squad. He did suggest that I start a whole new elite squad with you as the captain."

"You mean I'm re-hired and I'm being promoted?"

Constantine nodded.

"Whoo-hoo!" Jerry jumps off his bar stool and starts dancing.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you..."

Constantine sighs. "Inquisitors..."

XXXXX

A human warrior nears the bar where Joe, Constantine, Jerry and Benny is at. He is wearing green armor and carries a broadsword.

Ban Drown, a human warrior and amateur author. His main goal in life is to prove his idol's, Dan Brown, works to be fact. Which is why he's going to this bar.

"This looks like a good place to find some party members." Ban said.

He walks into the bar.

XXXXX

"Who is that round eye tough guy and what does he want?" Benny asked looking over at Ban try to recruit members for his party. Jerry and Constantine look over as well.

"I'll go talk to the young man." Constantine takes his pint mug of beer and goes over to Ban's table.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Jerry asked.

"I don't know." Benny replied.

XXXXX

It has been several minutes, at least a hour, since Constantine had started talking with Ban. Now they are done talking and both walk over to Jerry, Joe and Benny.

"It seems Mr. Drown here has a adventure he wants to go on." Constantine said. "However what he seeks is most disturbing to me and the denominations of Azeroth Christianity. We must talk about this business somewhere else. As to not to cause a panic."

"You can say it here."Jerry said. "I'm sure everyone in this place is drunk out of their minds to understand what you're saying anyway."

"Very well." Constantine clears his throat. "Ban here wants to prove that the story The Da Vinci Code is a work of non fiction."

"Isn't the Da Vinci Code that story about Jesus and Mary being married and having kids?"

"Jesus and Marry were married and they had kids!?" said one drunken patron. Who then caused a panic inside the bar and made the drunk customers to run out of the bar screaming. However one dwarf hunter pointed his boom stick at his head and pulled the trigger. Causing his head to explode and decorate the walls.

"You're right." Jerry said to Constantine. "We should've left the bar before talking about this."

XXXXX

"So you're going to have my squad escort Ban here to find the truth?" Jerry said in the main chambers of the Cathedral of Light, the main headquarters of Azeroth's churches and denominations.

"Yes and I've already selected Benny to be a member of your squad."

"Wait a second round eye!" Benny said in anger. "I never signed up to be a Inquisitor!"

"But captains or the higher ups of the church can deputize others to be Inquisitors." Jerry said. "So you just got deputized by His Holiness."

"This had better be worth it!"

"Now we need a priest and a couple of other classes." Joe said.

"Well..." Jerry was about to make a suggestion when Larry came running in, crying like a baby."

Strongman Larry, a Orc hunter who is all brawn and no brain. While you can't do much to him physically, you can bring him to tears mentally and emotionally without too much effort.

"Cousin said I was useless!" Larry cried. "Then he kicked me out of his squad!"

"Oh Larry my son." Constantine comforted the Orc. "You're not useless. If you're looking for a new squad to join. Why don't you join Jerry's. He need some more members."

"Okay!" That cheered Larry quickly.

"Well we need two more to join our ranks." Jerry said. "Wait here. I'll be right back."

"I hope he isn't going to recruit who I think he's going to recruit?" Constantine said. Joe merely nodded in confirmation.

XXXXX

Jerry stops at a building called Peaches Brothel. He walks inside and as he does, the sign falls off to reveal a sign underneath. This sign says Inquisitors' House of Pancakes. Basically a Inquisitor hangout, as well as a place to torture those who sin against God. Plus it is a place to lure those wayward souls by tempting them to come have sexual relations with women. Particularly Sisters of the Church. Mother Peaches, a beautiful but a tough love mentor for the nuns, runs the brothel trap. Who said nuns weren't allowed to help out the Inquisitors? In fact there are a few nuns that fight along side the Inquisiors. Those women are called the Warrior Nuns. Man, Azeroth Christianity is way different than Earth's Christianity.

"I see you're still running this brothel Mother Peaches." Jerry said to a female Night Elf in revealing armor and has long red hair.

"Jerry is that you?" the Night Elf said with a smile. "It's been a while. I take it you want to see my daughter Ginger and her friend Angel. Well you're in luck because Ginger ended her restraining order against you last week."

"Well yeah." Jerry said. "I want to know if they'll join my new squad."

"You're a squad captain now?" Peaches hugged him. "Well congratulations. Wait here. I'll go tell them you're here and what business you have." Peaches goes upstairs while Jerry waits.

Sister Ginger Orchard, a female Night Elf rogue and daughter of Mother Peaches Orchard. She's hot blooded and hates Jerry for a incident that took place not too long ago. Of course she was forced to end her restraining order against the paladin. She's still a total bitch and she is also Jerry's girlfriend. Though the restraining order kept them out of contact until now. Her temper is as fiery as her fiery red hair.

Sister Angel Seraphim, a female Draenei shaman and life long friend of Ginger Orchard. She was born in Azeroth but her parents came to Azeroth from the Outland. The Outland is a Muslim occupied world. Her parents left Outland because of the civil wars between the tribes there.

"But mom!" Ginger shouted. "I don't want to help Jerry with his squad! I want to continue to act like a slut to lure perverted men to be tortured."

Ginger is wearing nothing but her underwear and her medium fiery red hair.

"I'm only forcing you because it can get you out of this place and see Azeroth." Peaches said. "Besides, the reward for such a journey with the new squad will be great."

Once Ginger heard the word reward and her mind has been changed. Though Ginger may be a Christian, she is a bit greedy.

"Alright I'll join Jerry's squad." the Night Elf said. Then Angel walked up to the two after changing back into her shaman robes.

"If Ginger is in, then so am I."

XXXXX

Jerry returned with Angel and Ginger. Where they were briefed by Constantine on the mission.

"I'll be telling the news immediately." he said. "So you seven can get ready for the press conference.

**Author's Comment: Well I nothing else to say that I loved the movie version of The Da Vinci Code. However you can't expect me to believe the part about Jesus and Mary being married and having kids, can you? Dan Brown has no absolute proof either. He just took biblical scriptures and misinterpreted them. That's all. Well this first season is a parody of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Da Vinci Code and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Basically any movie that has the Holy Grail in it. Someday this will be done as a machinima series. I just know it.**


	2. Episode 2

World of Warcraft is owned by Blizzard. I only own the original characters.

**Episode 2: On Your Marks... Get Set... Run Away!**

The press met on the stairs to the Cathedral of Light. All awaiting the Pope's arrival.

"Dave, I'm here at the Cathedral of Light. Where His Holiness the Pope of Azeroth is expected to make a huge announcement." said a dwarf reporter.

Pretty soon Cardinal Joe came out and stood before the press. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this press conference. Now let me introduce you to His Holiness himself, Pope Constantine the XXIII."

Constantine walks out and stands before the press. Joe walks back inside. "Welcome my honored guests that like to invade celebrities privacy. I have called you all here to make a astonishing announcement. One that may cripple the very foundation of Christianity throughout the entire universe as we know it. Earlier today a man came to me while I was at the bar for my daily drinks. He told me of Dan Brown's belief that Jesus Christ and his female disciple Mary Magdalene was married to Jesus. Rather than as his friend and disciple. Though there are others who believe this to be true. We here at the Cathedral of Light believe it to be bullcrap. Utter bullcrap and will send a team of Inquisitors to investigate these claims, as well as the man trying to prove this belief is true. So now let me introduce you to the Inquisitors and man who will be trying to find the truth. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, please welcome Inquisitor Squad 7."

XXXXX

Lucifer was in his mother's basement or as he calls it, the Devil's Lair. A Orc in his Demon Horde army walks up to him.

"Did you see the news boss?" the Orc asked. "That guy who worships your arch enemy is on the news and saying he's going to prove that the Dan Brown novel is false."

"Which one?" Lucifer replied.

"Uh the one about Jesus being married I think."

"I have to see this!"

XXXXX

"Seeing as how there is only six of them and the fact they'll need a priest to heal their wounds in battle. I shall be going with them." Constantine announced. This stunned everyone, including the press. The statement also made the press ask questions at the same time. Joe turned to the man that he has considered a friend for so many years.

"What are you thinking Jim?"

"I must help them Joe." Constantine said. "I prayed that I will do something to benefit the people of Azeroth. Finding the truth is that something. You're in charge until I get back."

"I won't fail you or God."

"I know."

XXXXX

**The Next Day...**

Squad 7 as they called themselves left Stormwind and walked to the nearest forest. Which happens to be Elwynn forest, home to the legendary Elwynn Witch. The said witch is believed to haunt the forest and caused people to kill in the past. Sort of like the Blair Witch, but may be a actual legend than a Hollywood myth that some idiots made up to make money off of a horror film. Cardinal Joe and another Cardinal watched the seven as they left.

"How long do you think it will be till they figure out that they forgot their compass?" said the other Cardinal. Joe thought about it for a minute.

"I'd say about a week." Joe said.

XXXXX

"Bad place! Very bad place!" Benny shouted. The others gather around him.

"Oh come on Benny." Jerry said. "There is no such thing as the Elwynn Witch. That is a myth made up story to tell around the campfire."

"She's real!" Benny shouted.

"There is no such thing as the Elwynn Witch Benny." Ginger said. "Now lets continue on our journey to find those documents. Right your Holiness?"

Ginger turned around and found the Pope missing in action. "This is not good."

"Where did he go?" Ban asked. "He was with us a second ago. Hey Orc, you didn't eat His Holiness did you?"

"I don't eat people and neither does Winnie the Pooh!" Larry indicated to his pet Grizzly Bear.

"He named his pet hunting bear Winnie the Pooh?" Jerry asked. "Disney is going to have a field day with that?"

"Let's concentrate on where His Holiness went off too." Angel said. Trying to calm everybody, including Benny, down. "Now we should all break into pairs and search for him."

"To late baby!" Benny said. "The Elwynn Witch already got him!"

"There is no such thing as the Elwynn Witch, Benny!"

"Angel is right guys." Jerry said. "I'll go with Benny. Angel and Ginger go together. Ban and Larry go together. We'll meet at that open field that is about three miles away at sunset. So let's find the Pope and fast."

So they split up and searched for their Pope. Hoping he's alright. Speaking of the Pope, just where is he anyway?

"Yes got another rabbit!" Constantine appears to be hunting with his staff and doing very well by the looks of it.

XXXXX

Benny and Jerry found a clearing surrounded by trees. Where there were stick figures made out of sticks and twine hanging from the trees.

"I told you this is a bad place!" Benny said before he was abducted by a shadowy figure.

"I told there is no such thing as the..." Jerry realized that Benny was missing. "Benny? Well this is awkward."

XXXXX

Ginger and Angel saw the shadowy figure run past them, still carrying Benny.

"That was Benny!" Ginger exclaimed.

"Why is he being carried off by a dwarf with a hammer?" Angel said as they chased after the dwarf that abducted Benny.

XXXXX

"Are you positive that he went this way?" Ban asked Larry.

"I'm positive." Larry said. "I can smell roast rabbit and I can see campfire right over there in that clearing."

Larry used his keen eyesight to see the campfire and campground set up by Constantine. At least he thinks it's Constantine. Both run over to the campfire and find it empty. Whoever has occupied the tent, was gone.

"Keep exploring." Ban ordered. "We can find something useful."

Larry goes into the tent and comes out with a large hammer. "Check out this hammer! This bad boy can do some major damage!"

"That's nice but I was looking for stuff on finding His Holiness."

"Sorry."

XXXXX

The dwarf that has Benny watched Ban and Larry from afar. He thinks of a way to sneak up on them.

"There he is!" Ginger exclaimed in the background. The dwarf decides to run to his camp, in hopes that Larry and Ban don't see him.

"Ban! Larry!" Angel shouts. "That dwarf has Benny and is heading straight towards you!"

The dwarf's chances of making it to his camp without anyone noticed was shattered. Larry and Ban stood in front of the dwarf, blocking his path. Ginger and Angel brought up the rear.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do shorty." Angel said.

XXXXX

Night fell as the dwarf, named Wallace Scott, explained everything and why he was there. It turns out that he thought Benny was a agent of the Elwynn Witch, who is believed to be a female Blood Elf druid. Jerry joined up with the others at sunset. As the camp was located in the same clearing that he pointed out earlier on.

"Why did you mistake me as a agent of the Elwynn Witch?" Benny asked. "Gnomes can't be druids, can they?"

"I'm to lazy to look." Ban said.

"Well they say that she is a druid." Wallace said with a Scottish accent. "If you ask me, I think she has a druid under her command."

"Well we better get some sleep." Jerry said. "We'll begin our search for the witch and His Holiness tomorrow. We need someone to stand guard all night and I nominate Ban."

"Why me? I'm no good at all nighters." Ban said.

"Everyone who wants Ban to stand guard all night say 'aye'."

"AYE!" everyone except Ban said.

"Oh goddamn it." Ban muttered.

"Don't worry Benny here has a supply of caffine and pixie sticks, right Benny?"

" I got enough stuff here to make you go all night like a stallion." Benny the neighs like a horse. Then he grabs his bag. "But you'll have to pay me Jerry. Nothing's free in Azeroth, Sir Lancelot."

"Just put it all on my tab Benny." Jerry said. "Just give him what he needs."

Benny turned to Ban. "Hey round eyes. Prepare to suck on the caffine boob."

XXXXX

Somewhere in the forest a male Tauren Druid sits in his tent with his lantern on.

"Well I better get some sleep. Big day tomorrow and mistress needs my help finding the Pope." he said to himself in a Spanish accent. His name is Alejandro Adan and he's a agent for Kiara Jinx, the Elwynn Witch.

**Author's Comment: At first I thought the Tauren were Warcraft's Native Americans, but since their like bulls and cows. I went with a Spanish name instead. You know bullfighting is popular in Spanish speaking countries, like Mexico and Spain right? Finally Wallace's name maybe strange in that combination, but the way it has been put together is a pretty cool meaning. His first name and surname literally means Foreigner of Scottish Origin. Pretty clever if I do say so myself. Well enjoy and I'll see you all next chapter. Please review.**


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